Goodness Gracious

Wow, it's been a while. Again with the whole hating-goals-because-I-can't-stick-to-them thing. You know that Book of Mormon goal I mentioned? Yeah...it didn't work out so well. I made it to about Alma and then things started falling apart. I need some serious goal-keeping help.

But, on a happier note, I FINALLY did P90X today! I got some resistance bands (a few weeks ago...) and did a chest and back workout. I think I did all right, though I'm still trying to figure out how exactly the bands work. There are tricks you have to learn in order to get good enough resistance, and I'm still trying to figure those things out. BUT, I worked out. After weeks of inactivity, I did an hour and a half of P90X. Woo hoo! Boy, am I going to feel that tomorrow.

I don't think I even really want to mention the food goal...but hey, last week was Thanksgiving, so I have the same excuse as every other American for eating WAY too much. And then I've had other things that have included eating out...like football games and friends in town and birthdays...so eating has not been so good. But at least I worked off some of those calories today! Hopefully I'll actually be able to keep it up this time. (And yes, I know I say that at the end of every post. But I'm really, really hoping that this time it works.)

Why Goals Suck

Because I can never seem to stick to them. Not when it comes to weight and health and all that jazz, anyway. I've been absolutely awful. I think I did one workout last week, and it didn't even work very well because I needed workout bands, which I didn't have. I tried to improvise, and it worked a little bit, but I know I didn't get the full benefit of the routine. I'm probably going to buy some bands soon so that it will be easier to do P90X. I really, really want to try it. I just have to get myself to do it.

I have discovered that I have absolutely no self-control or self-discipline. I've discovered the three most destructive words in my vocabulary: "I don't care." Anytime I want something I know I shouldn't have, I think, "Gah, I don't care!" and have it anyway. I need to start training myself so that if those three dirty words pop into my head, I counter them by saying, "No! I do care! I really, really do, and that is why I will not eat this/do this!"

I started a new goal to read the Book of Mormon in a month, and so far I've been doing great. And I love that this is a goal I look forward to and want to do. Maybe my determination to accomplish this goal will sneak its way into my health goals and help those. Plus, the fact that my goal is to read 17 pages of scripture a day can't hurt all my other righteous desires, right?

Food lately hasn't been too bad. I actually had much more veggies than usual today, since I ate cucumbers at work and had a bunch of veggies in the stew I made for dinner. And I didn't really snack at work, which is great, because I usually do.

However, I did go to the store today and I did buy ice cream. And I ate some. And some crackers. But all in all, it was not the worst day I've had, and it gives me hope in my future self-discipline. And hope is really what matters, right? It drives us to action. Sometimes.

Long Time, No See

I find it ironic that my last post title is "Getting Better," and then I don't write again for two weeks. That doesn't really strike me as getting better . . .

I have made a few changes in my routines. Sort of. I've been quite terrible at working out lately (no, that's not one of the changes). Last week I did a couple P90X videos, like Kenpo X and Core Synergistics. The core work out killed! I was sore for a good three days after. It was pretty intense. But I haven't worked out at all this week.

I realized recently that I have only been to the gym about three times in the past six weeks. I've worked out more than that in general, but I decided that wasn't enough to justify $25 a month. So yesterday I went and cancelled my membership at 24 Hour. It makes me a little sad, but I have all the P90X videos and there's a little gym in my apartment complex's clubhouse, so I have no excuse not to work out.

I'm thinking of trying the P90X series. But it scares me. A lot. I've seen other people do it, and it's crazy! I tried Plyometrics, which is one of the hardest videos, with my roommate, and I couldn't even make it through the warm up. It was ridiculous. But I want to try, because it could really help me if I can keep doing it.

I have also started drinking Slim Fast shakes for breakfast. I have no idea yet if that has helped me at all. My mom said she started drinking them for breakfast and she lost some weight, but I don't have a scale, so it's hard for me to know if I've lost anything. I was afraid the shakes would taste really gross, but I was pleasantly surprised. I actually quite like them, and it's so much easier to grab a shake on my way to work than it is to make time to eat a bowl of cereal before work.

So consider this a new phase in my pursuit. Hopefully I can keep up with this one better than the last phases, since there have been a few.

Getting Better

Oh good, another post! It's only been a few days, and this time I have some successes to share. Woo hoo!

Yesterday I went and visited some friends in their apartment, only to find them busy doing a P90X video in their living room. Seeing that kind of galvanized me into action . . . nothing makes me feel lamer or lazier than watching somebody else work out. So I came home, chatted with my roommate for a minute or two, and then turned on the 10 Minute Yoga video my mom gave me a while back.

I got about five minutes into the first routine when I realized something rather important: I hate yoga. Really. I absolutely hate it. I was already wondering how in the world I was going to do five more minutes, let alone two or three more routines. My body just doesn't do what these people say it should do. If I can't even do the basics, how in the world am I supposed to do the calorie burn? So I turned the video off.

But don't worry, my friends, this is not the end of my work-out story. Since I was already all dressed for exercising, I decided to put on my Kenpo X video, which is part of the P90X exercise video series. I'm way too much of a wuss to do the whole routine (P90X is a killer), but I had done Kenpo X before and had forgotten how much I love it. I sweat like a dude and burn who knows how many calories, and I never once think, "I hate this. I just want to stop right now."

Yes for one success story from this week! No, I didn't work out on Monday, or today. I was going to do another P90X video (because I really didn't feel like driving to the gym), but then some friends visited, and I got caught up in updating my other blog (it's pretty cool looking—you should check it out here), and now it's 11:20 and I think my sleep goal is going to trump my work-out goal.

I Hate This Blog

It's true. I really do. It makes me feel so . . . beholden. I feel like I have to document every single little thing here . . . even though that's very boring, and no one wants to read about it. It's strange that I should hate this blog for the very reason I created it. I wanted to feel responsible for something, so I created this blog, and now I hate it for making me feel responsible.

That's mostly because I have been a complete and utter failure this week. Truly. I've been horrible. I haven't been to the gym once, and I couldn't even get myself to do one of my work-out videos at home. How lazy is that? And then I look at myself in the mirror and think, "I should be eating better. I should be working out more. Then maybe I wouldn't be embarrassed by what I see looking back at me."

I'm not the biggest fan of my apartment complex right now . . . especially because it seems like the pool is always filled with super-skinny girls who are knockouts in bikinis. If I wore a bikini, I would scare people away. Why is it that some people were blessed with really, really ridiculously good-looking bodies while the rest of the population is doomed to be average? How in the world am I supposed to compete with these girls?

I can't. That's the simple truth of it. And that's why I hate this blog. Because even if I do lose weight, I don't think my body type would allow me to look like that. So what's the point of blogging when I'm just going to fail over and over and over again anyway? Why in the world did I do this to myself?

Oh yeah. Because my goal isn't to look like the 18-year-old Barbie doll who lives across the hall. My goal is to be happy with myself and with my body. To know that I am doing my best to be fit, active, and healthy. That's what this is about.

Okay, now I don't hate this blog so much, and I promise I'll be more diligent in the future. Just bear with me if it seems like I'm constantly writing about my failures. I'm bound to run across a couple success stories along the way.

Whoa, Bad Week . . .

When it comes to fitness, this week has been fairly awful. Monday was Labor Day, so I went home to have a barbeque at my brother's house. I didn't eat particularly badly, and I didn't eat after 8 p.m., but I certainly didn't exercise. I don't know what my excuse was on Tuesday, but I didn't work out then either.

My company held the annual KLAS Conference yesterday and today. That means I had to be at the Provo Mariott at 8 a.m., so I did not work out before work as usual. I'm sorry, but there was no way I was going to get up at 5:30 a.m. I'm not that good. Yesterday, I didn't get home until after 5 p.m. and all I wanted to do was play The Beatles: Rock Band, so I didn't even think about the gym. Today I got home at around 3 p.m., but I have felt slightly pukish, and I don't feel like pushing my luck. I don't think the hotel food sat well with me. However, I did bowl (real bowling, not Wii bowling) for two hours straight today. That's almost four games. (Don't ask me how I did, my scores are quite embarrassing.)

So there you have my terrible fitness week. I don't have to be into work until 11 a.m. tomorrow (hallelujah!), so I'm planning on going to the gym before then, and hopefully I'll go on Saturday, too. I'd like to salvage at least two days of working out this week.

New Goal

You may have noticed that I added a new goal. (Or if you didn't, now you will.) I realized last night that I am horrible at going to bed at a decent time, which will (obviously) make it difficult to get up before work to go to the gym. If there is anyone at home, I am liable to strike up a conversation that lasts for much longer than I anticipate. Or, if there isn't anyone at home, I'll get wrapped up in blogging, or distracted by Facebook, or caught up in other random websites.

Getting enough sleep may not seem very related to my overall health, but if I don't get sleep, I won't work out. It's pretty much that simple. So for me, they are very much connected.

Unfortunately, I already know that I won't reach that goal tonight. I'm going to tell you a little something that will bring out my inner nerd (which really isn't all that inner, if you get to know me). The Beatles: Rock Band comes out tomorrow. I discovered today that my Guitar Hero World Tour instruments will work with The Beatles: Rock Band, hence saving me $70. And since I only need to grab the game now, I'm going to Walmart at midnight to pick it up. (Though I'm really not sure how the fact that I'm not buying the whole instrument package equates to me going to Walmart instead of using Amazon). Yes, I am going to a midnight release of a video game, and I am fully aware of how nerdy that is. But I don't care. In a few short hours, I will be rocking out to some of the best music ever made. And I can't wait.

There's a little insight into the inner workings of Lindy's Brain. I'll try not to do that very often . . . I know it's a little frightening.

Week One in Review

Whew, week one of my pursuit of skinniness is complete! And now it's Sunday, which means no worrying about working out. Even if I wanted to go to the gym today, I couldn't, because it's closed. Not that I want to. Sunday is my sleeping day.

First, a quick update on yesterday. No gym, Costa Vida, Funions, Coke . . . yeah, not so good on the healthy eating or keeping active parts of my goals. Though I did jump around a lot in my brother's living room as I cheered BYU on to a 14–13 victory over #3 Oklahoma. It was a ruddy brilliant game, and the fact that I ate crap and did nothing physical cannot dim my elation about the win. Holy crap . . . I still can't believe BYU won. The Cougars rock my socks.

Okay, enough of my school pride (though don't be surprised if it shows up every now and then . . . football season is upon us, after all), and back to how this week has been. I accomplished my first goal, which is the first time I've done that in a while. I still wish I had done better, but I think it's good for me to make goals that are more attainable.

For goal number two, I could have done better. I had a couple of salads for dinner, so at least I got some veggies, but I definitely could have done better. And I ate out a few times this week . . . but it's a new week, a time to renew and refocus and do better. I have to go grocery shopping this week, and I'm going to do my best to actually plan for some meals so that I don't end up snacking for dinner. I honestly don't know what I eat for dinner most nights, which really needs to change.

Goal number three is something that I was told by the personal trainer that I worked with for a little bit a year and a half ago (back when I was actually good at working out and went to the gym at least five times a week). He told me that a vast majority of the time, everyone reaches their daily caloric intake before 8 p.m., so there is no reason to eat after that. To be honest, I was paying more attention to goal #1 this week, so I can't honestly say how I've done. But I don't think I've been terrible. I guess that's saying something.

Week one down, and many more to go. Hopefully this week will bring some new accomplishments and experiments, like planning meals and a sugar strike. Hopefully I can make week two even better than week one.

Quick Post

I am fully aware that it is now 2 a.m., so I'm going to keep this post simple, short, and to the point. I woke up this morning and went to the gym (that means I've hit three times this week—goal one for week one accomplished), though I didn't do any resistance training because I didn't have time. But four miles and about 500 calories on the elliptical ain't too shabby (again, I'm believing the machine, whether it's accurate or not).

Food-wise, today was another not-so-good day. I don't know that I ate any vegetables today . . . I seriously need to fix that. But I ate the last of my cookies (woo hoo!), which is the last of my super-sugary snack foods, I believe. I'm thinking of starting a sugar strike soon . . . maybe next week. We'll see how I feel about it. More details will be forthcoming, I'm sure.

I'm sorry that all my posts are so late. It seems like the internet in my apartment doesn't want to work during normal, daytime hours, and only likes to work when most smart people are sleeping. I am apparently not one of those smart people.

Well, it is late, and I am tired, so I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll make it to the gym tomorrow, or I'll at least go swimming, do my yoga video, do some lunges, or do something else relatively active. My first goal is really aiming pretty low, but I figured it was a good place to start, since I've been so abysmal lately. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to bump up the number. 

Slacker

I'm sorry for the lack of a post yesterday . . . I got wrapped up in other things. I know, it's no excuse, but it's all I've got. Plus, I was a slacker yesterday. And today, for that matter. I thought about posting about something else, like the evils of high fructose corn syrup (which I will write about soon), but then I thought about how I can't very well call this a real, honest story if I don't document my failures as well as my successes.

Yesterday morning, my alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. as usual. After hitting the snooze button twice, I gave up and reset it for an hour later. Which was completely pointless, as I very well know—I wake up just as tired when I reset my alarm as I would have if I had woken up when it first went off. There's just something about the allure of that one extra hour of sleep. I know it won't be quality sleep, and that I probably would have felt better by getting up, but some days I just can't convince myself of that.

I went to work, fully intending to come home and try this 10-minute yoga video that my mom gave me a while ago. And then I came home and ate some cookies . . . then some Skittles . . . then a boiled egg . . . and probably a string cheese to boot. Granted, the string cheese and boiled eggs aren't bad for me, but I didn't need them, and they weren't vegetables. I'm still struggling with that whole eat-more-vegetables goal . . . I know for a fact I don't eat enough. Though I did eat a salad for dinner, with lots of dark, leafy greens. That's good, right?

After that, I got caught up in who knows what, and then a friend came over, which equated to no gym, no yoga video, and no early bedtime. Which then equated to me deciding not to even bother setting my alarm for earlier than I needed to get ready for work. So no gym today either. And no yoga video. And more cookies.

But on the positive side, I ate my last bag of Finding Nemo fruit snacks, and I'm not going to buy any more of them, so that won't be a temptation. And I took my giant bag of Skittles to work, so even though I ate quite a few today, I won't end up eating the whole bag myself. Though I apologize to Jenifer for bringing in bad foods that tempt her.

Another plus side is that I don't go into work until 10:30 tomorrow, which means that I can get up at 8:00 and still have time to go to the gym. That is a wonderful thing. Especially since I spent my day today doing a whole lot of nothing. (I would have blogged earlier, but our internet was down. It magically reappeared unexpectedly at about 11:45 tonight. My roommate let me know by yelling it out to the whole apartment.)

I have been a slacker the past few days, and I can tell by the way my muscles are feeling better because I haven't done anything in 48 hours to whip them into shape. But I've still got tomorrow (well, today) and Saturday to meet my goal of working out three times a week. I could still even nab four times if I'm feeling ambitious. Tomorrow is yet another day, and there's no point in dwelling on lost yesterdays. Wow, that sounded campy, but that doesn't change the truth in it.

Snacks Will Be the Death of Me

Seriously. I can't seem to get myself away from them. Yesterday I did fairly well with the eating well goal (well...minus the veggie part), until last night. At about 9:30, I decided I needed something, so I snagged a pack of fruit snacks. I hate those things . . . and yet I love them so. They're packaged so deceivingly! The manufacturers think they are a good little snack for you, when it reality they pack a good 100 calories per pouch, which adds up when you eat two or three pouches a day. Nothing more than glorified candy. . . . Lame.

Then a few friends came over to my complex bearing large bags of candy for a friend who was badly in need of a pick-me-up. So what did I do? Ate multiple handfuls of sour gummy worms. Because that was a smart decision. And then, because she had too much, my friend gave me a bag of gummy bears and a 41-ounce bag of Skittles. Hooray for making things more difficult on myself!

And then I realize that I have so many snacky foods—cookies, fruit snacks, Skittles, crackers. . . Then again, I do have some things like string cheese and boiled eggs that aren't so bad. But do I eat those? Not really. And do I have vegetables? Of course not. Which is weird . . . it's not like I don't like veggies. Really, I do. Cucumbers, carrots, zucchini . . . they're super yummy. They're just not very convenient. Well, okay, cucumbers and carrots can be, but they can be so bland when eaten plain in large quantities. Any suggestions to make it easier to snack on healthy things? Because I could definitely use them right now.

I ate some gummy bears today at work. The first two ingredients? Corn syrup and sugar. Awesome. Sounds super good for me, no? Yet I ate them anyway. . . . They were Haribo, after all. How do you say no to quality like that? Have you ever tried destroying a gummy bear? It's impossible. You can't smash them, and tearing them apart requires superhuman strength. And yet I'm digesting them. Wonderful.

Today was day two of the gym at 6:30 a.m. Again, getting out of bed about killed me. I'm planning on getting ready for bed right after finishing this post. I have to get more sleep. But hey, at least I dragged myself out of bed. Those lunges from yesterday are still killing me . . . and after working my arms this morning, I know my triceps at least are going to be yelling at me tomorrow. "What are you doing to us?" they'll cry. "We're supposed to just hang here uselessly . . . don't make us work!" Well, too bad, guys, it's time you shaped up.

I weighed myself this morning . . . and I'm still debating on whether I want that number out there for the whole world to see. So it's not going up yet. If at all. But I was thinking about how I don't really have a weight goal. I don't know what my ideal weight will be; plus, when doing resistance training, the measurements are what matter, not the weight. Muscle weighs differently—a pound of muscle may weigh the same as a pound of fat (obviously), but the muscle takes up less space than the fat, so the fat is smaller. Which is probably why people say that muscle weighs more than fat, which isn't really true. It's just more compact.

You think I should aim for looking like this guy?

Yeah, me neither. Scary.

Day One

Although I am a recent college graduate, most of my friends are still in school, and most of them started their new semester today. I figured that I could start something new too, so today was day one of my new fitness goals, and this blog. Okay, so the goals really aren't new—I've had these goals for weeks and months now, but I've been failing miserably at them, so it was time to rethink my tactics. Hence, the blog.

I'm not really expecting many people to read this. I'm pretty sure that only people I tell about it will pay any attention. And in fact, I'm okay with that. As much as I would like to have feedback and encouragement and whatever else I could get from a lot of readers, this whole weight business is a touchy subject for me. I'm not sure I want everyone in the world reading about my faults, weaknesses, and insecurities. So if you do read this, be a gem and don't judge too harshly. I'm just a girl, after all, and we worry about these things. A lot. Which is why guys should never (and I mean never) talk about weight, food, or anything else food/weight related with girls. Never.

I have been called fat, on numerous occasions. When it's from a girl, I want to rip her hair out. When it's from a guy, I want to kick him in a place where he really wouldn't appreciate it. Especially when that guy is purportedly my friend. Because of comments like that, I am incredibly conscious about my weight. I'm not a skinny girl. I never have been. I've always struggled with it. But that's the point of this blog—to deal with it. To work out my insecurities. To become who I want to be.

And now I'm rambling—that will happen a lot. Sorry. Today, I got up at 6:23 a.m. There was a point in my life when I did that everyday to work out. And it's hard. I almost skipped it this morning, but then I thought of this blog, was ashamed, and got out of bed. Ran on the elliptical for 45 minutes. Woot for four miles and 500 calories (or so the machine said—I choose to believe it, because I like the numbers). I got back from the gym and did some lunges and arm exercises with my wimpy five-pound weights. And holy crap, am I feeling the lunges. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow—my butt is going to kill. But it hurts good! Right? Right.

I've decided that as much as it can suck (I am so not a morning person), the morning is the best time to go to the gym. Most of the pretty people are still getting their beauty sleep, and the gym is fairly empty. I always look like crap, but it's nice not to get makeup all over my sweat rag...plus I can come right home, shower, and get ready for the day. No showering twice, and no skipping the second shower and hoping I don't stink too badly.

The problem with the morning is that I sleep in as late as possible, so I don't have a lot of time for the essential resistance training. Jumping on an elliptical is so much easier than deciding which weights to do today and when to alternate and how much weight to put on...I hate that. But I have to do it tomorrow.

No weigh-in today...we'll see if I'm brave enough to post something like that tomorrow. That's a scary number, that is.

In the Beginning...

...there was a girl named Lindy. This girl was not happy with the way she looked, so she decided to start a blog to document her experiences as she fought to lose weight, get in shape, and be happy with herself.

This is not going to be your typical document-how-many-calories-I-consumed-versus-how-many-I-burned blog. That would be utterly and completely boring. No one wants to read that because no one cares. This is going to be a running commentary on what I'm feeling that particular day—whether I'm hating on the Barbie dolls at the gym (or in my apartment complex pool) or bemoaning the state of my butt after a rigorous session of lunges. Whatever is on my mind regarding fitness at that particular moment could likely end up on the Internet for all to read.

Another purpose of this blog is to give me a purpose, something to do everyday. And if I feel obligated to write everyday (or almost everyday), maybe I'll feel obligated to actually work at getting in shape everyday.

Yet another purpose (I know, it's a lot of purposes...sorry about that) is to try to hone my writing skills. I fancy myself a bit of a writer (okay, well, I'd like to fancy myself a writer), so hopefully this will give me an excuse to practice being witty, or entertaining, or persuasive, or whatever I want to be that day.

So...welcome to my pursuit of skinniness. Sort of. More like my pursuit of being happy with who I am, regardless of whether I fit the "ideal" or not. Because, really, let's be honest. How many women fit the ideal we as a society have imposed on ourselves? Not many. I want to be my own ideal—that's what I'm looking for.