I Hate This Blog

It's true. I really do. It makes me feel so . . . beholden. I feel like I have to document every single little thing here . . . even though that's very boring, and no one wants to read about it. It's strange that I should hate this blog for the very reason I created it. I wanted to feel responsible for something, so I created this blog, and now I hate it for making me feel responsible.

That's mostly because I have been a complete and utter failure this week. Truly. I've been horrible. I haven't been to the gym once, and I couldn't even get myself to do one of my work-out videos at home. How lazy is that? And then I look at myself in the mirror and think, "I should be eating better. I should be working out more. Then maybe I wouldn't be embarrassed by what I see looking back at me."

I'm not the biggest fan of my apartment complex right now . . . especially because it seems like the pool is always filled with super-skinny girls who are knockouts in bikinis. If I wore a bikini, I would scare people away. Why is it that some people were blessed with really, really ridiculously good-looking bodies while the rest of the population is doomed to be average? How in the world am I supposed to compete with these girls?

I can't. That's the simple truth of it. And that's why I hate this blog. Because even if I do lose weight, I don't think my body type would allow me to look like that. So what's the point of blogging when I'm just going to fail over and over and over again anyway? Why in the world did I do this to myself?

Oh yeah. Because my goal isn't to look like the 18-year-old Barbie doll who lives across the hall. My goal is to be happy with myself and with my body. To know that I am doing my best to be fit, active, and healthy. That's what this is about.

Okay, now I don't hate this blog so much, and I promise I'll be more diligent in the future. Just bear with me if it seems like I'm constantly writing about my failures. I'm bound to run across a couple success stories along the way.